A number of years ago, when I was getting a divorce, running my small business, and
learning to take vacations (which is kind of fun) a friend of mine in Humboldt county and
his wife asked me to take care of their two boys for 10 days. By myself.
The thing is, I'd really planned my life around the idea of being married and having
children. I wanted to know that special feeling of knowing that a child came into the
world, and was actually the result of two people coming together and creating the vessel
of a beautiful, pure being that was truly of a part of me and an expression of love.
And the idea of being given the privilege of being the steward to this child, this
prcious, pure little being and teching them by providing them inforation, allowing them to
be and experience, and to guid them and shape their special little hearts and souls and
minds such that they could live in tis world and still find peace in their faith, beliefs,
freeom and freedom of being despite the pressures and circumstances of our times. And
then, to see them flourish in a profession of their choosing that makes thm happy and
allows them to be the best they can be.
Knowing that I could not take credit for their success, but knowing I had the privilege
of being a part of what empowered them. God's little children. His angels. And just loving
them, unconditionally, and allowing them the certainty of that above everything and
anything that could possibly happen along the way. I like to think it would be my part of
what God says is Him perfecting Himself in us.. the part about how He doesn't consider
Himself to be complete until every one of us is all we could possibly be.... and as
parents, being stewards to these prcious little tykes... and how well we do in raising
them is one of His proofs of whether He's been successful in nurturing and guiding beings
as well.
If there's anything in this world I have desired it has been that pleasure, raising
children, and ever since I found out that wasn't "possible", it had a profound
effect on my life. (But, strangely enough, that's another story for Barry Manilow)
So, I told my friends, sure, I'll take care of them. I'd been around kids alot before.
Fed 'em. Changed 'em. Listened to them crying in the night. Was their favorite uncle.
Nothing like letting a pile of kids beat you up. Takin' 'em to the park and the zoo. Being
the one they come to talk to.
But I had no idea what I was getting into. I think Keven was 2 and Patrick was 4 or 5.
Really sweet little boys. 3 meals a day, bedtimes. I'd sneak in my own food from time to
time and sneak in naps while they were napping. And then, those kid movies. Cartoons.
Sesame Street. It's a good thing I liked them. :} It's not like I had a choice. :}
And I was really disappointed. The old friends from high school, who I thought would
want to come over and hang out, or want me to come over and hang out while taking care of
the kids, didn't want to because they didn't want to deal with the hassle of the kids. So
there I was, being an adult, sort of, you know how that goes, in the world of children.
Suspended animation.
The Last Starfighter is one of my favorite movies to this day. That and Little Shop of
Horrors... which became a problem. Anyway...
This one day, little Kevin was having trouble sleeping during his nap time. I was out
on the couch watching a movie, hoping to doze off myself when he came out, crying, missing
his mom and dad. So, I just scooped him up and held him in my arms, let him know I loved
him and we both both just fell to sleep together like that. I can't think of any other
word to describe it but "sweet" myself. It was just sweet. A precious
moment I'll always treaure. Pure innocence and love.
Turns out, though, I was watching Little Shop of Horrors, and he woke up at a certain
part he wsn't supposed to see, and when his parents got home, he told them about this
moment when the movie really scared him. And, when it was all over, I was this bad guy for
being so irresponsible as to have let him see a part of the movie he wasn't supposed to
see.
Meanwhile, after that day, Kevin told me some things that, frankly were embarrassing to
his parents, about things he didn't like that he thought were unfair and punishment he
didn't deserve, and we had some good little talks, and I think I helped him work out some
issues he had with his parents. Seems like it.
Anyway, when all the news about you came out... frankly, I never believed it. Oh, we
all make mistakes... like not protecting ourselves when we know the media and enemies
would just love to find a headline to sell and increase their ratings. I got into
some real verbal scuffles on your behalf with the media.... even told this story in
greater detail.
And then there's the part about Neverland... and I don't mean to make this a complaint
about my life...because of my faith in God and my resilience, I suppose, despite the
things that have happened, I really feel I've had a great life in a beautiful world...
with some problems... but, it seems my "bubble life"... the part that's been
manipulated for me to fail, or have something bad happen every time I begin to succeed...
the part that's had me experience a million things at least once so that I had an
awareness of an abundance of issues and problems and solutions... and particularly now,
now that I know it's been going on since I was a child... and then, just because of the
oppressive conditions of my childhood... sort of add up to me having the same feeling you
do... not regretting your life, but knowing you missed getting to "play" as a
child, still being a serious adult with serious intentions and goals, knowing God had a
purpose for your life and that all things do lead to something toward that purpose....
I guess the easiest way to say this is that I really hope I get to go play with
you at Neverland... it looks like fun. That's the child, artist and musician in me
that I don't ever plan to surrender to anyone or anything. It's that part of the soul and
spirit that expresses the unfettered, unencumbered being that you are, that I am, that we
all really are deep inside. That same child like innocence and purity of a child. The part
that I'm grateful is perpetuated in the ever-present awe of the beauty of the world and
people and beings.
There's another part of it I relate to. For so many years living alone, a single white
male in his 40's and all... with all the paranoia about child rape and abduction and
molestation going on in the news... if there's one thing that saddened me was the slow but
continuous instillation of the attitude in American parents that anyone with my
"profile" must be a potential child molester.
I certainly can't blame parents for wanting to protect their children. But, the fear
has become a paranoia, thanks to sensationalistic media. The fact is, the rate of child
abduction and molestation has been consistently going down. I haven't checked the figures
in the last 2 years, but prior to that, they were going down.
And yet, more and more over time, parents would prevent me from interacting with their
children because I was a single male, over 40, was private (some thought reclusive, but
the fact is growing up in the hills, I'm just self-contained in a lot of ways, I know how
to be alone, to an extent, though I love being with people too). So I fit the profile, the
stereotype. And each time a parent would do something or make a statement that let me know
they were "protecting" their children from me, I'd just look down in sorrow and
understand in every way, but, like you said, Michael, I'd jump off a bridge before I'd
harm a child.
So, regardless of all the little details of the incidents... I just wanted you to know
that there is at least one person who understands your intent and your being. And I think
you're a beautiful, wonderful person. And I still think your singing Good King Wenceslaus
was funny and, how do I say it... courageous... faithful... I hope it brought comfort to
you. :}
Personally, I sing Christmas Carols when I'm feeling good about things. Silver Bells.
Emmy Lou Harris version :} Seriously. Do you like slot cars? I want you and Prince to do a
single together. I'll write it. :} It'll be fun. Just give me a drum track and a bass
line... :} BTW: Earth Song... I noticed. Bought the 25th Anniversary album. Had all the
tracks, but the art work and liner are great. And the holographs.
Jermaine -
As the mystery is revealed... first, let me tell you I always appeciated your genius. I
always wondered why you weren't more successful as a solo act, but then, I also know
geniuses often end up working more in the background because they're typically ahead
in theory, concept and application, and therefore, just a touch out of step. But I love
everything I've heard that you've had a hand in. Including Dancing Machine. Got me going.
:}
Anyway... Let's talk about KIQQ... that day we met was quite a treat for me. Like so
many other artists, I knew their music and loved it, but I rarely checked out the personal
histories because I somehow knew that the music held the message.. and everybody likes to
be known, but there's a reason for the songs that bubble up when you're deciding what to
record.. other than pressures for hits...
So, that day, the interview happened... and I so loved your presence... there was
a real sense of peace about you, and some kind of mystery going on, I could sense
it... the jogging outfit seemed to characterize your casual presentation... Let's Get
Serious was the hit at the time... You're supposed to save your love for me... too.
I remember you asked me if I wanted your autograph... I never asked people, because I
wanted to let them know I wasn't trying to step over any boundaries, that I didn't want
them to feel like I was a groupie, and I wanted them to know I saw them as a person, an
individual, not some image of a "star"... and I think I authentically succeeded
in those things (this is the first time I've admitted this: the most difficult part all
the time, in meeting all the famous people I've met in the ways I have, is because the
truth is I was being extra careful to restrain myself because I was always hoping for the
moment when I could have the opportunity to say... hey, I'm like you.. look at all this
stuff I've written since I was a kid. I don't want to be a star or anything, but
it'd be cool to have some of these recorded so I could write more and do some good things
with my life and get to hear a song of mine on the radio :})
I actually know that Billy Preston was offering me that opportunity in a way. Given
what we talked about and how it happened, I couldn't see how we could possily get together
and not end up playoing music. I really didn't want to step over the boundaries, and
still, that's I suppose part of why I admire him so much. That, and just who he was. And
I'm sure I'll get the chance to hear his "gospel" stuff.
Anyway... it was just a couple weeks ago that I realized at KIQQ that you slipped me a
different album... I wasn't paying attention.. I figured you just gave me another copy of
Let's Get Serious. The one you gave me is great. I actually listened to it, finally. A few
weeks ago, I think. Even remembered it in my mind. And I have tell you, I chuckle at the
outfit you're wearing. The colors and all...
The only other thing I'll say about it for now is that there have been many things that
I've gotten over the years.. special things that I receive... that I give away to other
people. I like to give special things to special people. There have been a couple of times
when I've almost given that autographed album away to special people... and something
always made me say, no, that's too special. So I kept it, and I'm glad I did.
Partly, now, because when you originally gave it to me, I read it, and I couldn't quite
make it out, I thought all it said was "I Love You, Jermaine". I have
to admit, I thought that was kind of unusual... a star might sign something "Love,
Jermaine" or somethin... but, I figured, you know those musician types. Besides, to
be honest, I knew artists can see and sense things about people, and I wondered if maybe
you sensed like, who I was in terms of "being"...
After looking at it again after all these years, I realize it says much more, and I
can't make it out, but I hope to find out some day. And the only other thing I wanted to
say about that is that part of the reason I kept the album... and I don't quite know how
to explain this or say it... but, I love you too. And it's always been more like a kinship
than admiraton. I always figured that was why AR reps got so upset with me when artists
would want to continue interviews 2 and 3 times longer than the time allotted:} We just
hung out.
What else can I really say about all this? I don't know. There's much more I'd like to
say that would likely sound like pandering in one way or another, though I'm sure you'd
understand. I hope, though, one day I'll have that opportunity... at which time I'll thank
you for your work, your beings, and your faithfulness. It has not gone unnoticed. At
least, not in my world.
Bob Dylan - I Believe In You
